It's true that the challenges of being a parent will never end! After being a mother of about 7 years I must say motherhood just gets tougher not any easier. Yes, it's less laborious because the kids are more independent physically now. However, I'd say the real challenge just kicked in for me! And, please don't remind me of the tweenage and teenage years at this point in time. I'd like to take it one step at a time, thank you very much!
Dealing with the needs of the children from physical needs to emotional well being to discipline to values etc is quite a feat to a highly strung person like me. Managing their day-to-day fights and squabbles and their ill behaviour and lack of discipline can just send me to the asylum earlier.
On calmer occasions, I'd relish the love and affection my children showered me with and all those fun and silly things they do to make me laugh. Motherhood to me is such a joy and pain at the same time. I know it's oxymoron but I guess that's the thing I've learn to deal with. God has placed two precious little ones in my stewardship and care. He's trusted me enough to grant me this privilege.
My kids are really as different as day and night. They are totally different in temperament, personality and character. Both have room for great improvement in many areas. I wouldn't think it's any of their fault for having character flaws or weaknesses that needs to be worked on. In fact, I feel I have failed as a mother, as I haven't done enough to help build them up areas where they are weak in.
I have neglected my duty as a mom to take care of the heart issues more than physical matters. I am reminded that besides taking care of their meals and physical needs, my being a stay-at-home-mom is to deal more in imparting the right values, the right way of life and making the right choices to my kids. I question myself, whatever that I've done thus far has it been for creating treasures of heaven, does it really have eternal value?
I was jolted to an awakening recently, after reading a blog post by a dear sister-in-Christ. Was it pure vanity that I was after when I pursued everything that I have the past few years while being a SAHM. Or was it really for the kids that I've obsessed myself into doing all that I had? I would think it's inclining towards the former.
I came to a point where I asked myself to whose good am I printing and laminating those learning aids till 3 in the morning for? Do my kids really require me to do that till the wee hours for them and then having me spew harsh words on them the next morning, when I have a lack of sleep?
In the book, Mission of Motherhood, by Sally Clarkson, every word spoke to me (or rather screamed at me) on chapter four, "The Undivided Heart", as to where I fair as a mother in my motherhood journey. It's a calling to be a mother, once I've accepted God's gifts (my children) I am to commit to building up my house. Here are the 3 main points that Sally Clarkson mentioned in the book that pricked my conscience most -
1) We are to count the cost of the choices we make and the tasks we undertake. When we can do this as mothers - understanding what we are called to do and committing ourselves wholeheartedly to the work of nurturing children - we will indeed be wise others who build our houses and don't tear them down.
2) We are instructed to set our hearts on choices with eternal results, not choices with only temporal significance.... the realization that my children are eternal human beings whose lives and souls will last throughout all of eternity struck me powerfully.... this is eternal work - to train the hearts, minds and consciences in righteousness. This is the vital work of building a morally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually strong generation of children will be prepared to function responsibly for the rest of their lives.
3) To fully experience our fulfillment in Christ and fulfill his will for our lives, we must come to the point where we give our whole selves to him - our freedom, our time, our bodies, all of our possessions and gifts - trusting him to show us how to use all that we are for his glory.
All of the above just threw me out of my comfort zone because it was only now that I realize I have neglected my duty as a mom in exchange for the pleasures I seek for my personal fulfilment as oppose to truly meeting the needs of my children's.
There's a need for me to make a shift in my focus. I am to put in an undivided heart towards building up my house and my children. This is a tall order but I am called to be a good steward of God's blessings and my children are His rewards to me to which I am to cherish and take good care of.
I have much more to learn as a mom, and I do endeavour to becoming a better mom.