Saturday, August 27, 2011

Boys Just Want to Have Fun!

Little Man's in "trouble" again! Well, nothing new to a mom who has been receiving complaints made by his teachers since he started school last year (Y2010). Seriously, it's become a norm these days that I would be surprise if he didn't get into trouble at all!

As I flip through his communications book (between the teachers and us), I have already seen more than 5 pages written, in which 80% were complaints. Little Missy comparatively only has 2 pages filled in her comms book and the messages were merely to inform me that she's hurt herself due to falling or some mishap somewhere that's almost negligible.
In fact, Little Man has been complained about so often that I've lost count because besides those that were written on his comms book, there were countless verbal complaints made by his current TIC! Some valid, some *shrug* oh well... I just have to roll my eyes and wonder how in the world did my little fellow get into so much trouble at his age!!!

To cite a few of the complaints... he's been breaking his classmates erasers, he's been putting pencils into his mouth, he's been disobedient in class, he's been roaming about in the K2's class and destroying their equipment and materials for science experiments... The latest complaint? He's been hitting his friend with a shoe because his classmate bit him!!!

Very often, I'd feel exasperated and question what didn't I do right or have I done something that was so wrong that my child turned out to be a serial trouble maker? Why can't he just be a docile, obedient and compliant child that every teacher and parent would be proud of? One who would conform to the norm, one who would just do everything as he's been told!?!?!

Hubs reminded me that it takes patience. Some children just needed to be reminded more often. Especially, Little Man. We know that our boy is different (though we do not want to slap a label on him), we just have to acknowledge that he is unique and wired differently from most children.

For all the many complaints we've received, we've deduced that he's a highly curious and generally inquisitive child who MUST touch/meddle/break things to find out how it works. He is advance in his reading skills amongst his classmates and therefore appeared to be bored in class most of the time and when he's bored that's when trouble begins. He's weak in his Chinese and therefore is not as cooperative during chinese lessons. He's by nature playful!

While we continue to guide and teach him what is the correct way to behave, we need also to accept and be grateful of his uniqueness. Fortunately, he's still teachable though it has to be repeated more often than not.

15 comments:

Elaine said...

I have been reading books about Raising Boys (one of which by Dr. James Dobson) and boys by nature are BOYS! Haha... what's new... so things like putting pencils in their mouths and touching science equipment are just so boys...

I have also read that the way lessons are conducted in class, e.g. sit down and listen and listen and listen (esp when they get to Primary school), is more suitable for girls rather than boys because of the way their brains are wired, e.g. they tend to be more active.

I think its necessary for the teachers too to understand that all kids are wired differently and boys being more active of the two genders.

Elaine said...

If it makes u feel better... my boy's childcare teacher also expressed concern (short of complaining I guess) when he cannot sit still during story telling... and know what, he was only 18 months, then.

Angeline said...

This is a stage whereby the child is finding his identity. Always trying out different ways to handle the same situation. Its DARE to experiment time. Then again, whenever something unpleasant happen, have you ever asked him "Why did you choose to do that?"

Rachel said...

Sigh, don't think I should be going thru the discourse of why I think Singapore's edu system is so typical. All the teachers want to do is to deliver their lesson plans for the day, less disruption better. They get less tolerant as the kids grow older, little understanding is given to individual differences.

U have the right attitude, really have to continue to guide and teach him, and don't let these things discourage u. Our boys somehow need more time than other kids.

Parenting is a long marathon..what matters is the process, that's how our heavenly Father is using our kids to mould us to be a more patient person.

Mama Bliss said...

Elaine, indeed, many times the complaints made by the teacher are quite unproductive and it just made me think if the teacher really understands how each child is different and what are the appropriate ways to manage and handle each situation. Then again, at a neighbourhood childcare centre where resources are limited I can also empathize that they are short handed and there are too many children under each teacher's care to be bothered to truly focus on ONE child's needs. So would have to double up on my end to reinforce the correct classroom/school behaviour and continue to look up for divine help.

Mama Bliss said...

Angeline, you are right. Kids of toddler/preschool/kindi age are usually curious and still exploring the world around them. Finding their identity and understanding social norms takes years to learn. It's a pity the teachers in school don't have the luxury of time neither capacity to offer such time/patience for my son to grow in this area.

We have asked why Little Man behaved the way he did eg. why did he destroy the science materials/equipment, and his answer, "I just want to find out what happens". So can we really fault him for just wanting to find out what happens in his exploration? We can only consciously remind ourselves to not reprimand him for his behaviour rather to explain how his actions would cause inconvenience to others.

Mama Bliss said...

What you've just said is so true, Rachel! When I am not in school with Little Man I really can't do much to help and would have to rely on the teachers to do what they could. On the other hand, what i can do is, by the grace of God, to continue to guide and inculcate the proper social behaviour in my child.

The reason why I've got a challenging child is definitely a training for me more than it is for my son. God knows I have a need to shape up on my patience department and therefore I've been given this task to bring up a child that constantly stretch my patience to the limit. I must and will continue to celebrate this moulding process as it's necessary!

Mama Bliss said...

What you've just said is so true, Rachel! When I am not in school with Little Man I really can't do much to help and would have to rely on the teachers to do what they could. On the other hand, what i can do is, by the grace of God, to continue to guide and inculcate the proper social behaviour in my child.

The reason why I've got a challenging child is definitely a training for me more than it is for my son. God knows I have a need to shape up on my patience department and therefore I've been given this task to bring up a child that constantly stretch my patience to the limit. I must and will continue to celebrate this moulding process as it's necessary!

Rene said...

Hi, just want to drop you a note that I really admire your positive attitude in the face of such a challenge. I don't know if I will be able to do that in your position.

For me parenthood is something like being in playback mode. Whenever my girl does something, I will try to reference back to my younger days to recall what was I thinking and feeling then to do what I did. So far I have taken the "cause and effect" approach with my little girl (ie there is a reason behind every action) but I reckon that as she grows older, I will have to modify my approach with her again.

BTW, I've been following your blog for some time but just as a lurker and I am glad to have found your blog.

CE said...

Hi seems like the main reasons are he is curious and bore. Will it helps to let him br books to school so that he can read a little when he is done with his work or free time? I have impression that in CC they have a lot of waiting time the kids just sit there waiting, queuing.
On the other hand I admire your positive altitude and patience. I have a difficult boy too whom get bore easily. He is agressive as well. Thanks for yr sharing that encouraging me to have more patience.

Ing said...

Hi Pauline,
The first thought that came to my mind when I read this is: why do the teachers keep complaining to you, the parent, about what your child did in school in the teachers' care?
To me, if a student is "disrupting" the lesson or "not behaving", it simply means that the lessons are not interesting enough to capture their attention. I agree that Tim could be feeling real bored in school. I wonder if you'd consider changing him to a different school?

Mama Bliss said...

Thanks Rene & CE for your comments and encouragement :)

Mama Bliss said...

Hi Ing, yeah, that's the thing about these teachers. They complain so that we could "do something" about their problems with Little Man. Seriously, what we can do is to have pep talks with him and try to guide him to what is the correct way of behaving in class/school.

We have toyed with the idea of switching him to a different school, and even homeschooling him. Then again, we know Little Man, he's just intrinsically curious and MUST put his hands on things that he is curious about. So no matter which school we put him in, he'll still have such problems.

He's only another year+ before he goes to P1 so we decided to just let him stay put. Beyond the teachers' complains about our son, we are pretty happy with the school in many aspects.

For now, we just have to bear with the music and continue to reinforce the correct way of behaving in class/school. Our take is, like it or not, that's our education system, if he can't get used to classroom environment where he is now, he would have greater problems in primary school.

Olivia :) said...

Hi,
I've been reading your blog on and off. I guess the teacher just wanted you to know what your child did in class and perhaps you could talk to him, which perhaps you've already done so.
It's not easy being a teacher in a class with many kids, albeit of different personalities.
Children are curious by nature and it's best not to squash that nature. At the same time, there's also a time and place to sit still and pay attention.
I always have to remind my son to pay attention and behave himself in class. All kids get into some sort of mischief one way or another.

Mama Bliss said...

Hi Olivia,

Thanks for visiting my blog :) yes you are right, the teachers have always been very prompt/honest with their feedback with anything that my son does in school bec he's always been the "trouble maker" since he started school last year. I do appreciate their feedback and also understand the difficulties that the teachers are going through esp so with a disruptive child like our son. But too many of unproductive feedback is really... unproductive.

We have taken immediate action after each feedback that was given by the teachers yet, there's really this much we can do bec we are unable to be there to immediately correct our son.

It is our hope that given more repeated reminders would help our son know and get to the point where he could behave appropriately.