My Attempt to be a Playful Parent

When I was little, the only idea I knew about parenting was observing my parents & experiencing how my parents parent me. When I became a parent and was responsible for the little people in my life, I didn't really know what parenting was all about except through the Parenting with Confidence (PWC) course I've sat for. Even then, the idea about parenting was vague because parenting is a process and I simply cannot appreciate nor comprehend fully all that I've learned until I've been put through the "grind" myself.

I've set out to be a good parent, that was why I signed up for the PWC course even while I was expecting Tim then. I've envisage to be the "perfect" parent to the children I've been bestowed with.

I must admit, after 4.5 years I'm still not even near - the "perfect" parent. Contrary to being a better parent each brand new day, I find myself "locking horns" with my children on a day-to-day basis - nagging, screaming, threatening and all the works of being a sergeant major parent, you name it. It was exhausting and neither the kids nor I enjoyed my presence at home. Hubby reminded me that the kids are still docile at this age but how long more can I use this method of parenting and if I wish to drive them out of the home eventually.

It was an awakening moment for me as I reflect on my ways and if I really wish to see my kids run away from home at a young age. They are blessed gifts from my Heavenly Father, and what have I done to truly deserve them.

Interestingly, just recently while surfing the Amazon.com for another parenting book I was given a recommendation to this book "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence J Cohen. For a person like me who emphasize or believe so much in learning through play, why didn't I even thought of using play to parent my kids?

I've gained many insights just by reading the introduction and chapter one. Decided the very next day, after reading the book, to bring down my guard as a sergeant major parent and just "play" as I parent my kids.

The morning was a pleasant one (peaceful with no screams, tears and fights). The kids were ready for school at half the time they used to take (especially for Tim). There were more laughter and I didn't feel as exhausted as the many mornings before.

Some asked what did I do to make playful parenting work for me. Nothing out of the norm, nothing spectacular, just simply to put in more patience and love. I spoke in a friendlier tone, consciously smiled more and played tickle with Tim to make him get out of bed (giggling away)... while I sing songs and talk loads of nonsensical stuff with Little Missy... the dreadful morning routine has become a breeze... the kids left home for school happy and I felt a breath of fresh air around me...

It still takes conscious effort for playful parenting to work for me... but I truly do hope that in time to come it'd be ingrain in me that it's out of habit and not a conscious act. Not sure where this might lead me to, meantime, I've learned to enjoy my kids better... ;)

Simply One Pot - Chestnut Pork Stew

When I was little I always enjoyed this particular dish that was prepared by my mom. It's still one of my favourite dishes that's made by my mom.

Just yesterday, I was craving for it and I made a quick phone call to my mom to ask for the recipe. I can't believe how simple it was to prepare it because the ingredients required were so few :)

Contrast to the regular braised pork, this dish tasted less salty and because no spices were required the natural sweetness of the chestnuts were not marred by the soya sauce and spices. Mmmmmm it tasted heavenly!

*Chestnut health facts:

Contains vit B1, B2, C. High in fibre. Low in fats and rich in minerals. Read more about the health benefits of this great nut here.

Here's how you could prepare it.

Ingredients:

Chestnuts (I bought it fresh from the wet market with the shells already removed); alternatively, you may also buy the dried chestnuts, though it's not as tasty as the fresh ones)

500gms Pork belly (sliced thickly)

1 bulb of garlic (gently crush with skin in tact)

3-4 tbsp light soya sauce (you may add more if you like it salty)

1.5 tbsp sugar

2 bowls of hot water (sufficient to cover the pork & chestnuts in the saucepan/pot)

Method of preparation:

1) To remove the skin of the chestnuts, place the chestnuts (shells already removed) into a pot of boiling water on the stove; boil for 3-5mins. Peel the skin with a small knife, it should be easy to remove the skin while the chestnuts are still warm. Set it aside.

2) Scald the pork in boiling water for 2-3mins. Set it aside.

3) Heat 1tbsp oil in wok (or saucepan), fry the garlic till fragrant.

4) Add the pork and stir fry for 2 mins.

5) Add light soya sauce and fry the pork for another 1-2mins.

6) Stir in the chestnuts and fry for a little while.

7) Pour in the hot water with the water level barely covering the pork & chestnuts.

8) Bring it to a boil then simmer under low heat for 2 hours (or until the chestnuts and pork is tender).

9) Add in the sugar after the chestnuts & pork has turned tender and boil under low heat for another 5-10mins.

Serve with a bowl of white rice and there you have a meal on its own ;)

To Buy or Not To Buy?

Recently, hubby and I had a discussion about how we should inculcate the right values to our children. We were extremely concerned about Little Missy's obsession about wanting to buy everything that took her fancy especially items with the Disney princesses and Barbie dolls.

She could browse through a simple brochure that we picked up from the cake shop and ask us for every single item in the brochure. Or she could point and asked for every doll she came across in a Disney magazine.

I've asked myself if this is just a passing phase or is this the root of a potential trap for consumerism. My mom & my aunt would often relate how I used to behave whenever I was brought to a department store. I would ask for everything that caught my eye. Instead of using that as a teaching moment, my aunt would lie that she'd need to send a pick-up truck to wait for us by the entrance of the department store to cart those stuff home for me. I wouldn't blame my aunt (who's not married and might not have any parenting knowledge for that matter) for doing that cos that was an effective way of keeping my tantrums down. I wasn't given much guidance and lesson about money management when I was little.

So 20 years after that incident, I turned into a hopeless shopaholic that chock up a 5 figure credit card debt on shopping! It took me a painful 3-4 years to completely clear off every cent of the debt that I've rolled up. With proper planning & discipline, I was fortunate to be able to rid the debt quickly. It was a lesson that I've learned through the hard way and have since kept my records clean!

With that history behind me, I am very conscious about how I should teach my children about spending wisely. The incident with Little Missy has given us a valuable teaching moment. The hubs and I have decided to nip the problem at its bud and it has to start when they are young.

We've decided not to buy things that could potentially stumble our kids into consumerism such as fanciful stuff from the big brands (if we ever do buy, it'll be a surprise reward, and not at their request for it). We will also guide them into saving up for things that they want to buy (we hope to teach them about delayed gratification). We will only buy replacements of things that they need if they are broken (in this we want to teach them about need over want).

That being said, we as parents would also need to be conscientious about the way we spend lest we set a bad example to the children. It certainly takes a lot of discipline and conscious effort to do so. I really don't wish to see my kids paving the old way I've been through so would have to work hard in this area for their sake!

Little Missy Turned 3 Today!

Some 3 weeks ago, we've decided that Little Missy will have a little birthday party in school where most of her friends (whom she's familiar with) will be there to celebrate her special day with her. Me (a lazy mom), thought this is the BEST place to do so (read: being spared the hassle of sending out invites and waiting for responses and co-ordinating venue, catering of food, activities for the guests/kids etc)! As it turned out, it was a right decision! HAH!

Little Missy was so excited about the celebration that she was all smiles this morning and throughout the birthday celebration. She chose this "Beautiful Belle" cake (hubs & my last purchase of any Disney Princess to her - more about this in a separate post) and was all too engrossed with the thought of being a princess, even her teacher was telling me about Little Missy's fantasy.
The whole world (her teachers and friends) knew that pink was Little Missy's favourite colour... she must have been announcing it to everybody in school *faint*
I wanted to steer away from what all other parents have been giving out as birthday favours (not for the sake of being different). I decided to keep everything simple by offering home-baked cookies (packed into a DIY paper bag) and a batch of stickers as birthday favour. Little Missy's classmates seem content with that ;)

I always cringe whenever my kids bring home a goodie bag filled with candies, lollypops, chocolates, oreo cookies, pocky sticks, jello... and you name it all the scarily super duper sweet and "heaty" stuff.

No offense to the rest of the parents, but I seriously dislike my kids consuming such stuff, so very often these packets of "goodies" would either end up in hubby's tummy or in the rubbish bin.
Tim was yanked out from his nap to attend his sister's party. While being groggy and sleepy, he was happy and lapped up every bit of the cake.
Little Missy, cheery with her English teacher, teacher Majorie.
Her favourite teacher, 庄老师, whom she picked up most of her fluent mandarin from.
Little Missy, didn't forget to serve the rest of the teachers in school... she's all too glad to serve them because t'was her special day ;)

Happy 3rd Birthday, my Little Missy!