Wednesday, September 08, 2010

How's Tim?

I've been asked this question a lot whenever I meet relatives and friends whom I've not met a while... those who have read my blog entries and were concerned about my struggles in dealing with Tim's growing pains over the past months.
It's been a long process but I've taken it to my stride that it was a passing phase... looking in retrospect I believe the journey was necessary not just for Tim but more for me to learn and to grow as I parent my kids. There's still much work to be done in my walk as a parent in this life time, it's however, enriching and definitely meaningful!

Tim has been behaving better over the past few months at home and in school (as I haven't receive much negative feedback from the teacher-in-charge for a while). He's also been able to take instructions much better now and more often than not I've witnessed his willingness to share much more spontaneously without my prompting (he was even willing to share his most precious Oreo cookie with his friend last week during our playdate *smile*). He's playing with his sister much better now, though the frequent sibling squabbling/fights still prevail (the fun of growing up together, I guess).

Just yesterday, I had a short conversation with Tim's teacher-in-charge, although she didn't sing praises of how well behaved Tim has been but there weren't any complaints either... I took it positively that Tim hasn't been giving her much trouble for the past months - that's good news to me, honestly!
Being active and curious with a streak of cheekiness in him, that's just how he was wired to be... that's just how most kids of his age would behave too... so I've learned to accept that it's part and parcel of growing up. I've tried to refrain from labelling him as a child with a behavioural problem. I've learned to deal with Tim as well as Little Missy's needs bearing in mind that they are afterall below the age of 5; recognizing their natural behaviour due to their developmental stages has made me look at situations in a broader perspective and not get too myopic about the nitty gritties of their non-compliance sometimes.

In the past 8 months I've also walked a long way (a treacherous one I have to admit) to realize that Tim's struggles stemmed from the fact that he was trying hard to adjust to the multiple major changes that went on in our household and in our lives. I've failed initially to address the problems properly which resulted to Tim's misbehaviour (this usually happens when a young child is unable to express the "stress" they are going through and it further aggravates the problem when the parents fail to help and guide the child through this phase of his life). Sometimes, we get too caught up with the problem that we failed to take a step back to see the broader picture; to identify where the root of the problem came from thereby feel totally swept up within this whirlwind of confusion and helplessness. I was heartened though that things have fallen into place better for us at this stage, but if I had knew the root problem earlier, and took the right actions and behaviour, we might not have to walk through this turbulent time for so long.

My child is not a perfect child because I am not a perfect parent. I am glad though, we've went through this difficult time together, it's part of my training as a parent, I suppose. And as for what other challenges might come next? We'll see, but I'm definitely willing to walk through them because I know we'll overcome them as we go along.

12 comments:

Rose said...

Glad to hear that Tim is doing well in school. Everything would be fine, mamabliss. YOu are a great mum.

The Beauties In Our Lives said...

You're a fantastic mum, Pauline - and am sure Tim and Little Missy will grow up to be wonderful adults with your nurturing at home :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, thanks for your sharing. Trying to achieve on my boy what you've shared, is the reason for delaying my return to work force. It's encouraging as it's a dfficult decision for me. Me too, find myself growing through this journey of parenting.

mamabliss said...

Hi Rose, thanks for your kind compliments :) it's indeed not easy being a parent... sometimes I wish there was a guidebook that I could follow to the T in managing my children's needs :)

mamabliss said...

Thanks Linette, feel really very encouraged by your words of encouragement :)

mamabliss said...

Hi Anonymous, yes it's always good to have a parent by the side of a child as he struggles through all the growing pains. But am sure your decision and sacrifice will pay off one day! Nothing compares to having a loving parent by the side of the child during the crucial early years.... :) so kudos to you!

Joyce Long said...

You are great mommy, dear. Yr kiddos are very blessed under your care and love..you have given them the best...

Cynthia said...

Being a mum is never easy and I like what you said about your child not being perfect because you are not a perfect parent. It all boils down to what's perfect right? You're doing a great job, recognising the root of what the problem seemed to have been. I too am guilty about reprimanding before addressing why they were behaving such and such. And sometimes, (most times!) all the needed was a cuddle (ie attention) from me!! :) aaaah..so simple..yet so hard!

mamabliss said...

Thanks Joyce :) I certainly hope in years to come my kids think that they were the privileged ones to have their mom with them throughout their growing up years :)

mamabliss said...

Hi Cynthia, thanks for dropping by my blog once again :) indeed, being a parent made me feel that I'm inadequate in many areas yet it's one of the most fulfilling journey I've been through thus far... am counting my blessing that I've the opportunity to be a mom even though I feel like tearing my hair out sometimes :P you were right about our kids needed our attention and hugs most of the time yet because we have thousand-and-one things on our to-do list to clear that we sometimes neglect the fact that kids really just needed our undivided attention...I'm also still struggling to come to terms with that too... :)

Tin said...

Hi
Tim looks big for his age... he is a few months older than my younger son.

I can understand the struggles you went through, cos' I am facing the same problems. I'm glad mine has outgrown some of his behavioural problems in school too.

I have no time to catch up with all your posts, but I can see, judging from a few posts I read, that you are a superb mom! :)

Mama Bliss said...

Hi Tin, thanks for stopping by here :) and really thank you for your kind compliments. Still struggling to be a good mom (well at least in the eyes of my kids).

It was after 8 months of adjusting that he finally had his teacher sharing with us that Tim was more cooperative and blending in better with the rest of his classmates. I am not complaining, just really glad that he's finally adjusted to being in school. Grateful that he no longer gets his teacher's negative attention all the time :P

Yeah, Tim does look mature for his age, probably because he's a January boy plus he's taller than most of his peers.

Do feel free to drop by my blog whenever you have the time ;) hopefully you'll find my sharing useful... ;)