The "Assessment"

*Long Post*

We've received a preliminary assessment for Tim. In my previous post about the challenges that we've been facing dealing with Tim - being a concerned parent (read: kiasu), I was quick to jump into trying to pinpoint what was wrong and be given a label that describe my child's problem, so I could find a solution to resolve this problem quickly (task oriented parent).

I was getting anxious due to his teachers' complaints, friend's concerned word of caution, and my imagination of the worst about my child's future due to what I have learned about the situation. I couldn't be very objective about the steps I should take to help my child overcome all these challenges. I was just too caught up with all the signs and symptoms I've picked out of Tim's behaviour and matching them to that of a special need child. For one moment, I imagined him to be ADHD, and in another occasion, I thought he has stronger signs of being down with Asperger and the last I jumped into was ASD, after the preliminary assessment by the OT.

In the process of running around trying to put my finger to a problem, and seeking for a solution, I've overlooked the fact that my child is afterall a preschooler who is at an age of being curious, exploration, adventure... just as God has made us all different, each child has a different learning style, grows at a pace of their own and progress with a different cognitive level... I should embrace the uniqueness of Tim and recognize that this challenging period is God's way of reminding me how much I needed Him in my process of parenting Tim (and Little Missy), and if I should sought for any form of help it is He whom I should look up to.

I've had the assurance from hubby, and many close friends (who have encountered special needs children) who feedback that they don't see Tim as a special need child... all he needed was to be properly guided in different social setting as well as classroom rules... granted that he may be disruptive in class and caused his teachers much heartaches and headaches, he still desires to please the adults around him (especially us, his parents).

Over the past weekend, I've made a point to observe Tim's behaviour more intently. When playing with his sister I noticed he was indeed playing WITH and not parallel playing. He was also seen playing quite well with his friend in the Sunday School. He has taken my instructions and followed them accordingly without much fuss. I noticed much of his behaviour was a reaction of how I behave as a parent towards him. When I was calm in instructing him, he was calm as well... when I started yelling, he has a tendency to act up. Just as the adults dislike being interrupted when we are focused on a task, it is likewise with Tim. So the meltdown that occur in class often was due to his focused attention on an activity being disrupted; I am aware though, the teachers have a time table to observe in school and cannot allow every child to do everything as they like. This is something I am willing to work together with the teachers to help Tim by reinforcing the message that he has to follow the class rules and time table.

With Tim, I know I have to work a lot harder and put in more patience in guiding him properly. I've seen improvements in Tim lately ie. lesser tantrums and quicker to quieten down after a tantrum as I've taken a more active step in setting boundaries, more importantly, I've taken a more conscious effort to yell less at him and to guide him by reasoning instead of reprimanding. I've also made a point to give him more positive attention rather than negative.

Given the time I know Tim will grow to become better... he might take a slightly longer time but I know, by the grace of God, it's not impossible for us to overcome all these challenges together.