Monday, March 29, 2010

The Challenging Period...

**Long Post**
Earlier this evening, while we were having dinner, the hubs asked me what have we done that Tim has became infamous in school... if you have been following me in FB, you'd have known that we have met with some great challenges in managing Tim.

Just recently, we've been receiving feedback about Tim's undesirable behaviour in school (he's been throwing huge tantrums when he didn't get what he wanted, he's been unwilling to share and take turns, he's been fighting with his friends a lot, he's been running all about in school during lesson times, he's been uncoorperative, he's forgotten his Ps & Qs...) I guess, the teachers must have had a great deal of difficulty trying to manage Tim that the teacher-in-charge had to break the news to us... Tim has created a name for himself that ALL the teachers of the school knew that he's a challenging child!!!
We didn't doubt the teacher's feedback because we've experienced the same at home with Tim. It's been rather challenging dealing with Tim of late and honestly, we were at our wits' end. We do not believe in using the rod, also do not believe in giving in to the child's cries/wails... but our use of the naughty corner/thinking corner has proven futile (read: lost its effect).

I used to think that Little Missy was the difficult and strong willed child, but I have changed my mind... my once calm and easy baby (Tim) has now become the challenging child instead!

I am not sure if it's because of the many changes that's going on in our lives since the beginning of this year or was it a serious flaw in our parenting style that caused Tim to behave this way... or was it his way of telling us that his needs are not being met somewhere...

I really don't know and only could submit this problem to our Lord God and sought His help... been praying for Tim a little more earnestly recently... and we have also taken steps to amend our parenting methods with him... the hubs said that we've been too easy going with Tim for the past 3 years, allowing him to choose what he likes to do (though not all the time), now that he's 4, it's time to take a firmer stance and set boundaries/expectations on him to be more disciplined. We feel that it'll do him a disservice if we just allow this bad behaviour to continue...I've also been trying to control my temper when dealing with Tim and talk nice to him, giving him more one-to-one attention...; take a conscious effort in spotting more of his good behaviour and praise him for it.

We've seen a marked difference in Tim's behaviour recently (the past week or so)... while we haven't compared notes with the teachers in school, we've observed that Tim has thrown lesser tantrums, cried less, obeyed our instructions more, and has even shared his favourite Oreo biscuits with his sister this evening...
This journey in parenthood is long and arduous... we are not perfect parents so the hubs and I decided that we need to take a more active role in praying for our kids more consistently... and I feel that we need to also read up more about parenting, constantly equipping ourselves in this area because every stage of the children's lives there are different challenges we'll have to deal with...

The process of being a parent is definitely no mean feat, but it is fulfilling...


Chew said...

Hi Pauline, I am in the same shoes as you too when my little one is somehow different from the rest and within 1 term, I have heard a lot from the teachers too. Sometimes I wonder how to discern whether it is wrong to stop a child who is curious about certain things and hence left the activity to "investigate" and is therefore seen as distracted. Afterall, the child is still young and is he/she able to refrain from it? Or at least he/she is still learning how to behave when he/she is in a group.

I too wonder about my parenting and maybe it is not for us to find an answer as this also learning on our part.

I once heard from my colleague whose son has gone through a very challenging childhood as he cannot socialise easily. He encounters so much difficulties and challenges in school and church. So she finally said 'the more difficult the child, the more people find it hard to like or understand the child and hence as parents, the more we should love the child so that this child will not be deprived of the love every child deserves.

It was very enlightening and so we shall persevere and pray hard for our children. God bless Tim and you all!

pc said...

tim has grown up a lot.

hang in there, i'm sure you will be 'rewarded' after putting in the right approaches:).

you are always the fabulous mum...

Ing said...

I can understand the challenges parents face in disciplining our children at times. I, too, very often wonder if I've done the right thing and question my parenting style. It's never easy to hear negative feedbacks from our children's teachers or other adults.

Hang in there, and keep praying for wisdom (James 1:5). I believe this is but a growing-up stage that Tim is going through. A stage that he will outgrow.

Shirley said...

Hey Pauline,
Just dropping by to say you've done well thus far and has also taken the right route in parenting (that is praying for your children).

As long as we pray and do 'our best', our heavenly Father will do the rest. Am reminded that we dont own our children but are only care-takers for God. God loves Timothy. =)

Domesticgoddess said...

HI Pauline

I am a SAHM with 2 boys and my younger is a few months younger than Tim. I can understand what you are going through. I just want to say that you are doing a great job, and the best thing you can do is to be patient and firm with Tim and be always loving. However tough the current phase may seem, it will eventually pass. So hang in there!

tona-mama said...

Hi Sis Pauline,

It is never easy to deal w young children but look at how well both of your kids have grown? Not jus physically, but oso emotionally and most importantly spiritually.

I also face these challenges with Kimi and I see that in a few other kids who have SAHMs. And I mean those moms who are really involved with their kids, spending and sharing lots of time with them.

It's their withdrawal symptoms when they go school cos to them home is better and more fun. School is regimental. I believe Tim jus misses you and use all these undesirable behaviour to try to get himself out of school.

Recently, my Pastor shared the importance of mediatating on God's word. As u know we are baby Christians n sometimes I don even know where to start!

But God is good & all the time! I used the worksheets from Kimi's children church which teaches them a verse each week and we repeat and ponder on it everynight after our reading. I find it rather effective. To Kimi, it's jus another 'reading' but in fact, we are releasing God's power into our lives.

Now, when he gets into mischief, I will remind him if he is Jesus' boy and he stops. When I first started, he will say I am NOT and I DON'T want to be, etc, etc. Jus plain defiant and hurtful.

But as time goes, he will ponder and change his attitude. I hope this can help u a little as sometimes I oso feel like I'm at my wits' ends.

Frankly, your blog is so inspirational and given me many nuggets of wisdom on how to handle our kids in accordance to His Word. I've learnt MUCH from you!

I know you will and I pray that you find a solution soon. Shalom!

Mama Bliss said...

Thank you ladies, for your wonderful sharing and encouragement... indeed parenting is not easy but to be there for our children when they are still young to instill values and train good habits is what we have been tasked to do as parents.. while the journey is tough, I believe the process will shape us to be wiser as we go along too :)

Rachel said...

Hi pauline,
my first born is just a few weeks younger than Tim and i exactly know and understand what u r going through.

Parenting is sure challenging yet rewarding too. though at times feels like throwing in the towel but of coz thats just a thought and couldn't bear to leave our kids as they are. not like those kampong days where parents just let their kids run around all day long ya!

Let's hang in there, press on and enjoy the fruit many years down th road! =)

Eileen said...

Hi, Just read your post and I know how it feels to have a loving child a day and unmanageable same child the next. Everyone in school especially teachers know who Russell Tan is :) And I knew he is special. Different but special. I'm not pre-judging, but you may find my story familiar