It's been an extremely crazy and busy month for me... and I do feel the guilt that most working moms are experiencing... I used to enjoy the luxury of time being around my kids doing something or even nothing... but November has been a month of travelling and lots of hard work...where I spent most of my days away from home and even the country...Honestly, I don't enjoy being away... during the quieter moments of my solitude, I began questioning if this is truly what I want... for I've decided to walk away from the corporate world so that I could focus my time and energy to be with my children. To be a SAHM wasn't just an aspiration but I felt deeply that it was a calling for me.
As the year draws to an end in a month or so, I began to reflect on my achievement this year. Looking in retrospect, I haven't done as much or achieve much as I wanted to. My kids are spending more of their time watching TV, running around the neighbourhood and achieving nothing much in my opinion. I have been an advocate of being an active parent but these days I've succumbed to relinquishing my duties as a mother to the domestic helper... very often dumping my kids in her care while I am out and about... while I know the kids are in good hands I just don't feel right not being around them.
I'm counting my blessing that my children still remember who I am when I return from my overseas trips and when I've been out all day; they will still run to me with wide open arms and a beautiful broad smile... shouting the melodious "Mommy" as I hug them.
I guess, I need to take stock of my life right now, what I am doing and where I really want to go... before the new year begins, I have lots to think about and loads of planning to do as year 2010 will be a year of major adjustments and changes for us in the household... it won't just be me alone making the adjustments but the entire family (yes, including the kids)... so what is left of year 2009 is the time I want to take to pray and straighten things out.
I am grateful that my Heavenly Father, has watched over my kids and kept them in protection during the times that I can't be with them. I guess, I'm just feeling a little out of sorts, a little exhausted and need some time to quieten down my heart and think things through.
Year 2009 has come and almost totally gone... everything happened too swiftly... I am left with not much time to ponder over what wasn't done or what I should have done... I can only look forward to a brand new year with a brand new beginning and to look positively that a breakthrough will come our way... the drought will be over and blessings of abundance will rain down soon...