Thursday, October 05, 2006

Trying Time...

It’s been an extremely trying week… due to a major business pitch that our company is undertaking… the timeline, and the sheer amount of work is enough to throw me off leaps and bounds… I can’t even describe the amount of ‘pain’ that I had to go through… not considering the burnt weekend and working 24hrs round the clock in the office…

I could feel my spiritual walk diminishing…and my relationship with hubby a bit strained… I’m beginning to resent God and hubby for not ‘allowing’ me to quit my job… I’ve even blurted thoughtless, careless curt and cutting remarks to hubby due to my unhappiness in my current situation…

Still the Lord was good and so was hubby… firstly, the Lord, gave me His word during one of my quiet times the past week, this verse came to mind…

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart, I will be found by you…” Jer 29:11-14

That triggered me to think was I being impatient with God’s timing and plans… for He has always wanted to bless me, always have a perfect plan for me…but I was getting impatient with His ‘set’ plans and timing and I want everything to happen the way I want it to be and I want it NOW… I’ve lost sight of His divine plans for me… I’ve also lost my grip of His promises and truths He has laid down for me...

While I was doing my morning devotion today, the Lord, once again showed me His ‘thoughts’…

“Don't allow discouragement to cause you to quit. In God's own time our work will bear fruit…You are a success in God's kingdom if you are faithful where He has placed you.”

I once again marveled at His way of speaking to me…so directly and so clearly… He truly is a living God who knows my heart and my desires…my struggles and have certainly heard my cry… what He wanted from me was faithfulness…to trust Him for knowing what’s best for me and obey Him… let go and let God, trust and obey for there’s no other way…

Secondly, my ever loving and patient hubby, who has given me the time to ‘vent’ without judgment, without retaliation… he just patiently, calmly, graciously and lovingly provided me the space when I needed, as well as the warmth and security to know that he’ll love me inspite of what I have said/done. He’s there for me all the time… what more can I say… besides, thank you darling, and I love & appreciate you for the way you’ve loved me…

Ultimately, I am the one who could control my emotions and nobody else… this is but a growing process..

No comments: